Strip Club
by BlackRosa713
Summary: Dave and Rose convince John to have a fun night on the town going to the strip club, until John gets a surprise. Mild DaveJade, Moderate RoseMary and JohnVris. No actual sex, just sex jokes. Sorry.


Author's Note: I was watching some trashy TV show and they were talking about partners going to strip clubs and I thought it would be nice to go to a strip club with my guy friends but I don't think my matespirit would be too pleased with it. So I came up with this. Why can't I write down a story where Rose and Kanaya are happy and stuff. I have the ideas for some good ones, but I never write them down. First Collegestuck Fic I'm writing, but I have more ideas. I might be going to college soon so maybe I'll get more ideas. Might even write a sequel to this. Here's hoping! Enjoy the show.

Rose sat in front the vanity doing here makeup while Kanaya watched.  
"Are you really sure I can't come?" Kanaya asked.  
"Yes, it's a just a Beta High kids night out." Rose replied.  
"Is Jade coming?" Kanaya asked.  
"No, she's studying." Rose responded.  
Kanaya sighed and Rose came over and kissed Kanaya on the cheek.  
"I'll be back soon." Rose assured. A knock on the door drew Rose's attention.  
"My ride's here." Rose said craning her neck to the front door. Kanaya sighed and let Rose walk out the door. At the door Dave was waiting. He extended his arm to escort Rose to the car.  
"Shall we go?" Dave asked.  
"Yes, we shall." Rose replied. They walked to Dave's hella shitty car and got in. Inside John was waiting looking nervous.  
"Dave, are you sure that we should be doing this? I mean I have a girlfriend, Vriska would be pissed if she found out." John asked.  
"Sure, I have a girlfriend too. The thing is that you don't get caught and you two keep your mouths shut." Dave responded.  
"Okay..." John said hesitantly. Dave drove to the club and grabbed a roll of bills from the glove compartment.  
"Everybody got their money?" Dave asked pocketing the cash.  
Rose held up a black clutch and John held up his wallet.  
"Good, don't spend it all." Dave said as he got out of the car. They walked to the door, flashed their IDs and entered. Dance music blared from the speakers, on the stage in the centre half-naked women swirled around poles and gyrated to the music.  
The bartender called out to Dave.  
"Dave! Need some drinks for your friends?" He asked.  
"Hell yeah! Some Captain Morgan is needed for tonight's festivities." Dave replied. The bartender poured three glasses of rum and handed them to Rose, John, and Dave. They took the drinks and walked toward the tables near the stage. A young redhead was twirling around a pole to "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" by Eurythmics.  
"That's a nice ass." Rose said.  
"I know right?" Dave said back. The redhead flipped upside-down and slid down the pole.  
"Wow." Rose whispered. She pulled out her clutch and pulled out a fiver. Dave pulled out some money too and they handed to the dancer.  
"I see you're into the ladies." The redhead said taking Rose's money.  
"Indeed I am." Rose said coyly.  
"Name's Charlotte. If you come backstage tonight I could give my number and a good time." Charlotte offered.  
"No thanks, I've already got a girl and this just a fun night out with my boys." Rose said putting her arms around John and Dave.  
"Looks like you're having fun. Maybe I'll see you around." Charlotte said winking at Rose and John. Rose waved a little and John turned bright red. Charlotte sauntered of the stage, her gorgeous ass swaying.  
"Damn John, why didn't you tip that?" Dave asked.  
"I got nervous." John muttered.  
"Maybe next time." Dave said settling into his chair.  
"That was Princess Lacy, now it's time for Lilac Liqueur."  
A girl in long blonde hair and a light purple streak in her hair walked in white stripper heels, and lavender lingerie. The song "So Happy I Could Die" by Lady Gaga played as she danced. She feigned masturbation and then proceeded to take what little clothing off. Dave whistled.  
"Go baby!" He called. Dave looked over at John who looked very uncomfortable.  
"What's wrong John? Never seen a woman naked before?" Dave taunted.  
"No, I've seen Vriska naked before, but knowing I'm with her this makes it feel very wrong." John replied adjusting himself in his seat.  
"Let me guess, you walked in on her in the shower?" Dave asked teasing him.  
"No! I've had sex with her before!" John objected.  
"Sure." Dave said sarcastically. Lilac Liqueur finished and collected her money and Dave handled her a bill. She smiled and walked off.  
"This is so wrong. What if Kanaya and Jade find out?" John asked.  
"They won't." Rose and Dave said in unison.  
"But, we're seeing women take off their clothes off and stuff. This is degrading to both the women performing and our girlfriends." John complained.  
"They chose to do this, no one is forcing these women to dance for us. Besides, we're giving them money." Rose countered. John groaned in annoyance.  
"Now, our next dancer, Black Widow!" The announcer called out.  
All of their eyes widened. Rose turned to John. John's jaw dropped. Dave burst out into hysterical laughter.  
Black Widow was none other than Vriska Serket.  
John's girlfriend.  
Vriska glanced over at the laughter and saw Dave, Rose, and John. She ran over her heels clicking furiously.  
"JOHN EGBERT WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCKING HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Vriska demanded.  
"What are you doing here? I thought you were a waitress!" John asked in confusion.  
"Well, they don't give very good tips. This job on the other hand does." Vriska said. She pointed at Rose and Dave.  
"And what are you doing here? Don't you have girlfriends? I swear to god I'm telling Jade and Kanaya." Vriska asked.  
"You tell them and I'm telling Kanaya and everyone else you're a stripper Miss Black Widow." Rose threatened.  
Vriska narrowed her eyes.  
"Little bitch. Fine, I won't tell them, but if you come back I'm kicking your asses then telling your partners." Vriska hissed.  
They got up to leave and Dave slapped a twenty on the stage. Vriska growled and watched them head out the door.  
They ran to the car and started driving.  
"Oh shit." Dave whispered.  
"Wow John, I never knew you were dating a stripper. Maybe Black Widow will give you private performance." Rose teased.  
"Rose, shut up. Holy hell, my girlfriend's a stripper. How did I not know?" John said to himself.  
"Hey man you're not the only one to found out weird shit about your girlfriend, Jade's a furry." Dave reassured. Rose's head whipped up.  
"She's a furry." Rose said to be sure.  
"Yep, she's got the suit and everything." Dave replied.  
"Well, since we're all finding out interesting things about each others significant others I thought I'd like to say that Kanaya likes to frequent the drag queen show at Celestia." Rose confessed.  
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me, you know Eridan performs at that show? He goes under the name March." Dave said.  
"I know, Kanaya told me." Rose responded.  
John was having a quarter life crisis in the backseat when they pulled in front of Rose's apartment complex. Rose got out and turned to the car.  
"We never speak of this again, understood?" Rose asked. The boys nodded and Rose shut the door and Dave drove away.  
Rose entered her apartment and Kanaya was curled up the couch watching some late night horror movie.  
"Hey Kanaya." Rose said as she took her shoes off and put down her clutch. Kanaya smiled at her.  
"How was your night out?" Kanaya asked.  
"Great, we went to Celestia and danced." Rose lied.  
"You didn't drink did you?" Kanaya asked raising an eyebrow.  
"One glass of Captain Morgan." Rose admitted sheepishly. Kanaya sighed.  
"Well, it wasn't that much. Come here." Kanaya said opening her arms. Rose came over and they cuddled watching the low-budget blood shed. But to Rose the most horrifying was not the cheesy decapitations, but the fact that her friend was a stripper.


End file.
